All my lights are off. Besides my glowing Macbook, it’s nearly pitch black in my new humble 1 bedroom. The gas isn’t turned on yet so I’m wearing a jacket-hoodie I got from Walmart. I like this jacket because it makes me look blue-collar. Dickies. Badass mechanic trucker boy from the wrong side of the tracks. My nose and hands are still cold though. It’s much quieter in West Hollywood. I’m in a tucked-in neighborhood now, far away from any busy streets. Switching to this place from my swanky-flex-try-hard Hollywood-hotel-doorman place will save me about $50,000 over the next 12 months. Frugality is cool now. It’s hip to be square.

As usual, I’m awake and the world is asleep now at 3:50 am. It’s so quiet that I can hear the ringing in my ears. It reminds me of all the havoc I’ve put them and my body through in my twenties. No regrets. Yolo.

Ok, that’s enough for now.

Thanks for reading,

Andrew Hales

3:51 am

West Hollywood, CA

The summer after I turned 21 I worked at Mcdonald’s for a few months. I remember how confused the lady was at my enthusiasm during the interview. I was hoping to work the night shift and that position just happen to be open. I’ve always been a night owl so I figured I might as well be on the clock somewhere. I also figured the night shift would be a lot more laid back and I’d be able to read or something. Turns out I was more than right. The night manager was a few years older than me and we hit it off right away. From 10 pm to 5 am the two of us would get drunk and skate in the parking lot. When a car came in we’d run back inside and do their order. We’d make all sorts of new creations with the nuggets and fries and ice cream and just feast and chat outside during those cozy, summer nights. All that while $7.25/hr stacked up in the background. Needless to say, that job was pretty Lit. (Did I use that right? It was very full-send.)

It’s strange to think about how that was only in 2011. It feels like a hundred years ago. I had uploaded one or two half-ass cell-phone videos on LAHWF at that point but none of them reached a thousand. I remember I was seriously thinking of working my way up in McDonald’s, learning all the ins and outs, and eventually buying a franchise with a loan or something and then another and that’s how I’d get rich. All through college I remember just wanting to make money as fast as I could. Door-to-door sales intrigued me because of it’s simple, raw nature. Just a guy with a product selling you something 1 on 1. I wanted to be that charming, confident sales dog. Wolf of wall street. I still do sometimes. I finally got the hint that the rich have their money work for them, so I looked more into passive income like vending machines and real estate. I bought an Italian Ice pushcart that next summer and started doing that at events, with the plan to buy more and just hire teenagers to run them. After a few medium successful events, one of the videos took off. It went viral. Holding people’s hand. It wasn’t even that funny but back in 2012 videos went viral. They don’t really do that anymore, do they? The sensationalism of viral videos was still alive and well with gawker and Huffington shitting their pants over any little thing. I remember checking my AdSense account a few days after and feeling my heart skip a beat. I didn’t sleep that night. I was in the clear. I could pay off all my credit card debt AND my car loan. It was all downhill from there.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

3:43am

Los Angeles, CA

Nothing like a few days of sunlight, water, and 9 hours of sleep to heal your soul. I feel brand new again. Scheduled some stuff, made some phone calls, gettin’ things done. Up n down and around we go! Life!

I went to see a movie by myself yesterday. I’ll do this every now and then. I saw a cheesy flick called “Late Night” at 6:30pm at the AMC Burbank Town Center 6. It’s one of those secret value theaters with the recliners. Cost me 6 bucks cuz it was Tuesday. I went to get some sour patch kids and soda and one of the workers back there made a scene.

“Oh hey you’re a Youtuber!”

“Oh ya that’s me haha” I hadn’t showered and it caught me off guard.

“Bro! I used to watch your stuff religiously!” He turned to his coworker. “Do you know who this is!?”

I was starting to get embarrassed. I was there alone and was now about to need to explain myself to his friend, which always kind of sucks.

His co-worker eyed me. “You’re… famous or something?”

“Ya I’m- I have a channel on Youtube.” People in line zombied on their phones and pretended not to listen.

“Hmm.. cool.”

I didn’t know what else to say, I just needed my junk food and to be gone. After an awkward minute of them finally getting my order and me whipping out my card and entering the chip into the fucking thing I said, “thanks man” fake smiling as best I could and then walked away.

“Ya man..” He replied.

I kind of deflated his excitement. When I’m drunk or on a date it’s a lot better and I’m mentally prepared. But on this day I was shitty.

Thanks for reading,

Andrew Hales

4:24pm

Los Angeles, CA

Sweating. So much sweating.

It’s been 2 days now off my 4-day marathon of continuous IPA and avoiding boredom. Avoiding accountability.

How did I get here? Everything hurts. My mind is foggy as all hell. I hate everyone and everything. I need to bite my tongue and save face as best I can. Avoid people.

Bonnie’s at Jaclyn’s. I was about to go to Boston but I cancelled at the at last second and ate my ticket. I couldn’t. I would’ve drank more and turned into a werewolf.

I cleaned my place. Sweating and with-drawling and hating myself. Shame and guilt flooding my thoughts. I should finally write that apology letter. Man I’m an asshole. Will I ever learn? Fuck is wrong with you? grow up.

My place is clean now. I still feel unstable. I’m gonna read now until I fall asleep. Keep chugging back to ‘normal’. Reboot. Repair. Round & round we go. It’ll be about a week or so before I feel good again. That’s what I get. Atoning for my sins. You must be fun at parties.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

9:31 pm

Los Angeles

well it’s been a week or so now without internet and I feel pretty good about it. This could be a new frontier. To add even more focus and less distractions I put my phone in this timed safe for 10-15 hours at a time. It’s called a Ksafe if you look it up on amazon. So far I love it. There’s no override. The only way to get to my phone is if I took a sledge hammer to this plastic clear cube it’s in. So that’s one more easy way to shape your environment and thus shape your habits, not relying on this flimsy, mythical thing we call Willpower. There’s literally nothing to do except read or write. Or go outside. It’s awesome. 

So here I am writing again out of sheer boredom. I did buy another 6-pack of IPA, I’ve found beer specifically helps me write. I think that’s fine if you’re actually getting something done. Just writing out these words counts as doing something in my book. And since I got this buzz on, I’m having a fun time while I do it. Two birds. 

The thing about alcohol, like a lot of drugs, is that is takes us to this place of unlimited possibilities. Your neurons are just firing on all 8 cylinders and anything and everything sounds like a good idea. It’s wonderful but completely irrational and you don’t realize that until the next day. For a brief moment though, your consciousness was in this crazy paradigm that allowed just about anything and you felt free. I have yet to have a hangover that makes all that Not worth it to me. It’s completely insane how much an impact simple outside substances can make on our reality. Or I should say, “reality”. 

Writing has more to with feeling and how you feel then what’s actually being written. How you write- not what you write. How you talk to the girl- not what you say. Seduce the reader. Seduce the girl. Have fun and enjoy the banter. Have fun and enjoy the writing. It is time to enjoy writing again by feeling good and having fun with it. The possibilities with Words and sentences are endless and they can inspire and help and heal and entertain. They can inform and educate and relate to people. They can express our inner most thoughts and feelings thus releasing various demons and neuroses in a beautifully cathartic 2 birds in one experience. It is time to enjoy reading again and stimulating our imaginations inside our head. Let’s read. Let’s write. 

thanks for reading,

Andrew Hales

5:22 am

Los Angeles, CA

a 6-pack of beer is the perfect amount. How’d they know? I guess that’s their job. I’m writing on this Grammarly software now and I’m already kind of pissed at it. They’ve already found “3 writing issues”. Good thing this was free. and now I’m done with it.

There we go, back on my liberating, all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world blog. Blog. Couldn’t they think of any other word to use for words on the internet?

Speaking of Millennialism, I did something drastic today. I called up Spectrum, my internet provider, and cancelled. They put up a good fight, offered a free TV box (for the first year!) or something. I held my ground. Starting in 5 days, the end of my billing cycle, I will have no internet. As well as Netflix, Hulu, Youtube, etc. I’m unplugging the Mcbangin’ 75 inch TV I bought a few months ago. Not selling it (c’man now), just letting it sit there holding the living room together.

I’m simply taking a break from having wifi; Vegging off wifi. When I need to upload something (for my job!) I’ll go to the coffee shop across the street. Done. The goal is to force myself to resort to books for entertainment when I’m bored. Reading is one of those things that doesn’t quite reward (entertain) you until you’ve sat down and got into it for at least 10-20 minutes. Like one of the 1800s western water pumps, you gotta put in a little effort, it’s not instant. But then you get sucked in and absorbed and it’s somehow better than a screen. Symbols on a page stimulating our mind with beautiful simplicity. Like Stand-up or the White stripes. Simplicity. Japan.

Of course, there’s a balance, and this is just an experiment. We’ll see how this goes, I can never tell. It’s always 50/50 for me when it comes to setting long-term goals. “4. Read More”

Hell, only pussies type things like that last paragraph. Will I ever learn to commit? Am I too hard on myself? Do I think too much?

Yes to all 3! Let’s learn to commit today.

A good friend told me the other day, “We’re never really free.” This was after I said, “What about free agency?” which was a response to her telling me to “take care of [my] health.” That was a good reminder. Self-discipline is freedom. You’ve heard that before somewhere. Most people have this line swimming around their subconscious.

Played some Death Cab in the background as I typed this. God damn they are kind of a bunch of whiny-bitch-as-pussies aren’t they. I guess everyone has their place though.

Finally got into Bukowski. His face and quotes scrambled across buzzfeed and instagram have always beckoned me to put him on the back burner. Started actually looking into his stuff (which now that I think about it, is really kind of a miracle, and completely random yet feels like destiny) after a long, fast night of solo-vodka shots with blue monster and it’s now 4am and I can’t sleep but I’m reading some of his stuff finally and it’s all finally hitting me. This is my guy. It was a book of poems that my friend let me borrow almost a year ago and I just so happen to pick it up and bring it to bed with me to help me fall asleep. Screens keep us up! Books help us sleep. I just kept reading and reading though. It soothed me. It inspired me. He inspired me. This was the kind of writing I enjoyed. First-person-bloggy-observational-Catcher-Rye-angsty-drunk type stuff. I felt like writing again.

So here I am. 🙂

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

6:51 am

Los Angeles, CA

Depression is just this phase everyone goes through in life, either short or long, severe or mild, and can be a result of many different things, circumstances, brain chemistry, nature, nurture, negative thoughts, diet, drug abuse, etc. and can usually be treated with clean living (exercise, diet, sleep) and cognitive behavioral therapy (fancy term for attitude adjustment) and/or medications, as well as a healthy balance of work (that you’re preferably proud of and at least don’t hate), family, and friends.

Wow I should write a textbook or something. That is if I did write regularly. What’s it been, oh wow March 9th, and damn I left on a shitty post. An Artsy fartsy poetic “And” post. Oh well. That was that, and this is this.

I’m in a good place right now. It’s safe to say I’ve successfully ventured past my life of pranks and matured into a cringe-free format of interviewing people (who’d have thought?) that I actually look forward to filming and editing, the way it should be. And lo and behold, I’m blessed as can be, people are liking them. I’m home free, for the next few years at least. There’s plenty of eclectic guests to let me into their world for a quick hour. It’s all coming together.

Also, I took a break from vlogging. I haven’t vlogged in a month or so, not consistently anyway, and I left it off with a perfect-Like-ratio’d “i’m in a mood” vlog of me just rambling in a canoe on Loon Lake, much like The One That Got Away. A final farewell ramble that included many important things I needed to get off my chest. A nice potential finish to lahwfextra and vlogs once and for all, leaving only the main channel  to focus on making “cake, cream of the crop, quality content” for.

I keep saying I’m writing a book and stuff but I’ve only written little bits and pieces of a chapter here and another chapter there. Little notes in my phone. I haven’t really muscled through anything yet. I’m so terrified of writing, I can’t do it if I know it sucks and every time I do it, it’s just there in front of me, sucking, and it’s painful, so I stop. I’ll avoid it and do something else. But then it nags at me and I know I want to do it but I can’t, it’s very subtle. I’ll watch a movie in my apartment and it’s just there in the back of my head, nagging me. Write, Andrew, write. Fucking just do it. Then I’ll make a little progress by turning off the TV and at least picking up a book, but I’m still avoiding it. Then I’ll get tired and take a nap. I’ll wake up and Bonnie’s due for her tri-daily walk around the block so I’ll do that. We get back and I figure I might as well work out, shower, and Then I’ll write. I’ll be more awake and energized then anyway, exercise is important too. I get back from working out and I of course need to shower and then make myself a high-protein meal to help grow the muscles I just tore up so I’ll do all that. After that’s all done I check my phone, I check instagram for any new DMs, any comments, should I post a picture? E-mail, Twitter, I check the views on my latest videos, oh that’s right i need to buy a lint roller and rechargeable batteries and more apple cider vinegar off amazon, where I’ll then spend an hour or so shopping into rabbit holes, oh cool binoculars? I could use those on my balcony, *click*. I’m a little tired now, maybe I’ll now start to write something. Then Chad texts me, “wanna see this movie at 9:20pm?” I say sure and phew… that was a close one, almost had to write today. By the time I get home I’ll be too tired and will need to sleep. It’s better to have a well-rested mind for writing than a tired one anyway, this is the rational choice. I then watch Netflix for the next couple hours and then fall asleep.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

11:29 am

Los Angeles, CA

 

eggs and bacon and sausage and pancakes and syrup and hash browns and coffee and almond milk and spinach and blueberries and pizza and bagels and burgers and donuts and croissants and yogurt and bananas and pineapple and steak and chicken and quail and salad and cashews and peanuts and carrots and kale and mangos and granola and green tea and toast and mac and cheese and cereal and koolaid and iced tea and ice-cream and oatmeal and honey and hemp milk and butter and fries and chocolate and cherries and hot dogs and whole wheat and organic and oreos and celery and dressing and beer and wine and cocaine and heroin and narcotics and weed and supplements and drugs and protein powder and vitamins and minerals and nutrients and calories and energy and fat and cholesterol and skin care and magnetism and confidence and health and lifestyle and status and money and instagram and women and sex and fun and pleasure and happiness and love and loss and sadness and confusion and drama and sleeping and crying and watching and reading and waiting and talking and hanging and thinking and pondering and praying and writing and creating and expressing and smiling and dancing and walking and running and exercising and staring and listening and dreaming and art and skating and bitching and gnashing and whining and posting and uploading and vlogging and filming and editing and gaining and winning and advancing and evolving and learning and growing.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

7:51 pm

Los Angeles, CA

I had the best nap this morning. It was a one of those intensely euphoric 2-hour naps you can’t fight. Something triggered it, something I consumed. A combination of a brain supplements and Vyvanse, which was suppose to do the opposite but then backfired. No complaints. I woke up feeling great. It was 4:30am, perfect timing to start the day and get back on track. I took Bonnie on our routine, twice-daily walk. She’s incredibly easy to take care of now that she’s a trained adult. She always goes like clockwork on the grass outside the building. I bring her in one of three different coffee shops I always go within walking distance of my place and get my usual medium vanilla latte with almond milk. Everyone always adores her. “Ya she’s not shy at all” I say as she jumps all over them.

I got my blood work done with my new doctor/new insurance last week. All good except for my cholesterol. It’s just a little over normal range. I’ll have to take it easy on the burgers and ice-cream. I charged my phone and then did some tedious errands: Setting up my electricity, paying my phone bill, internet bill, putting things on autopay, canceling random channel subscriptions on amazon prime video, resetting passwords I forgot by having them send an e-mail, checking e-mails, sending e-mails.

As I go through these motions and fill up my day, I think about what I keep putting off. It’s there and I think about it, but I don’t do it. Not yet. I’m so comfortable that it doesn’t quite grab me. I’ll start to wonder why and fall back into doing something normal again, like doing the dishes. “I’ll do it but I need to clean my apartment first.” I keep putting it off and that doesn’t bother me. Once I’m done cleaning my dishes I’ll watch a movie and then go to bed. It’s wonderful.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

4:08pm

Los Angeles, CA

 

 

Dear Heavenly Father,

Are you mad I’m writing this prayer out publicly? Naaa you’re not mad. Do you get mad? I would assume you have your emotions under control at this point in your existence. That reminds me, where did you come from? Or- nevermind. I guess I just wanted to say I’m grateful for this life you gave me, assuming it was you, and that you’re an actual being. I guess I could be talking to nothing or myself but all these years it’s always seemed like you were there when I prayed. I’ve considered the possibility that you might not exist but I think there’s about a 60% chance you or something is going on here. I do know I always feel better after talking to you. Even if it is simply just another form of meditation and I’m just talking to myself, I don’t regret it. Anyway, again, I just wanted to say thank you. Through all the ups and downs so far I think it’s been a pretty good life. Is this starting to bore you? Do you get bored? I mean what is your deal like what do you do all day. What does God do for fun? I imagine you would have a good sense of humor. I look forward to meeting you. Hopefully, I don’t die until I’m 90 or so but you never know. Or do you? I’ve heard you know the future. Like what? I look forward to you explaining that one. Or maybe that’s just a typo in the doctrine of man. Maybe you’re nothing like the doctrine and the scriptures really were just metaphors and stories written by monks and authorities in the old times. I guess we’ll see. Well, we might not actually see, I guess there could just be nothing, but naturally, that doesn’t seem logical. I don’t feel like my soul is ever going to just Not exist. Ya know? You know. Um oh ya, can you bless all my friends and family and everyone else and comfort them and stuff and help them find peace and happiness and meaning? Ok, sweet thank you. Byeee. Just kidding that’s just a popular thing the kids are saying these days -wait- I guess you know everything anyway. Ok. I love you. Amen.

Thanks For Reading,

Andrew Hales

7:12pm

Los Angeles, CA